Curse it all

Fun (or not so fun) fact about my body: it hates to lose weight. My dad encouraged me to try this diet that helps boost your metabolism and helps you start eating healthy again. It worked SUPER well for the first few days. I was down 6 pounds and felt so great! I hadn't been that small since the beginning of my first semester of college. I was so happy with the results. I was happy with my body.

Today I'm up 3 lbs from there. Half the weight loss gone. In 9 days I've gone down 6 and up 3. What a mess! What was the point of doing that diet and eating healthier if it's not going to end up making any difference. I'm already half way back up. What if I can't keep the weight off.... What's the point of trying?

I see other people that work out as much as I do and shed the pounds and look great. I see people that can change their diet a little bit and drop a couple pounds. What the heck?! What's deal?! Why does my body have to hate me?

You know what? I hate it too. I know you're not supposed to and it's a gift from God and everything. But I truly hate it sometimes. Why can't it respond when I put healthy things into it and work hard to get it into shape? Why does it insist on holding on sooo tightly to extra fat that isn't healthy? What am I supposed to do?

A couple days ago I was so happy with the results. Now I wonder why I even try. I know I'm not super overweight or anything like that. But I know there is room for improvement. Curse that first semester of college when I gained this weight. Curse all the carbs and the sugars. Curse my insecurities.

Curse my lack of sleep for making me more emotional. Curse hiring for all this pressure. Curse my physics final on Monday for all this stress. Curse it all.

Guys, I know I should be grateful. I have a relatively healthy body, there's nothing wrong with it. I don't have any awful diseases or disabilities, I'm not missing any limbs, I don't really get acne. I'm just feeling a little down on myself at the moment. Lots of stress in lots of different areas of my life. No biggie.  Things will look better soon.

Thanks for letting me rant.

For now just check out this picture of my awesome salad I had the other day. Rocked my world.

Next post will be how dang cute our place looks for Christmas. Be excited.